i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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