this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You pole danced in your parka.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
