You're so nebulous sometimes
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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