I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize