Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
