the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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