yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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