i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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