whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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