This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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