I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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