sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
