i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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