i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
