so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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