I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
