What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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