Barsexuality is the new black.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
In America we eat man semen.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Randomize
