THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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