if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
