Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's never too late to be topless.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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