I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize