I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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