So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
