Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
