Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
