I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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