she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize