Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
