census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
