What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize