Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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