i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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