I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My life is pants optional.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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