Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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