Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
