so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
