cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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