you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
