I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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