is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Your cock deserves a montage
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
