i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
