What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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