there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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