is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
