I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
