He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
