I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
