ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
