THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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