I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
