He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
