dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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