You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
