he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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