So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
