we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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