Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just puked most of my soul out..
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