I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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