I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize