there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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