i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
