Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
