Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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