i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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