I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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