she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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