I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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