i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
