at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
