Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
