ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
