Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
