you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
