There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
