I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
