great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
