Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
