You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
