I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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