best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
