Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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