Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
