the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize