Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
