I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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