but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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