Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
