It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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