a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
