Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
