you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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