Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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