please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
